There are 5 different parts of a relationship that we talked about: know, Trust, Rely, Commit, Touch.  With all five of these we talked about the importance of having each one higher in the relationship than the other.  You should never trust someone more than you know them, rely on someone more than you trust them, commit to someone more than you can rely on them, or have physical touch with someone more than you are committed to them.  If this is not the case, one can get confused in the relationship, and feelings can get in the way of reason.

We also discussed in class this week the importance and value of dating instead of just hanging out.  A good date should be Paired off, paid for, and planned.  Through this way we can practice and see the kind of things that should be in a marriage relationship. We can discover what is really important to us in a spouse and marriage relationship.  How you start the relationship is normally how it will follow all the way through.

Another quote I really liked in class was, “attraction comes because of what we see in ourselves when we are with them.”

I just returned from serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Los Angeles, California. This week we learned about the difference between the genders and also about same-sex attraction. In LA it seemed like same-sex was just something that happened to people and could not be helped. It was so refreshing this week to be reminded that each of us is born with a divine gender that cannot be changed because it was who we were before we were ever born. We learned about how one generally comes to feel same-sex attraction, and that it most often comes because of the influences around us. It is more likely to come to boys who did not have a close relationship with their father. It is the most common among those who have been sexually abused. 

In my mission in LA, California it was not uncommon for us to talk to people who felt it was good for a couple to cohabit before marriage so they could try it out and see if they would be compatible.  I knew from what I had been taught growing up that this was not according to God’s plan and was not right, however, I had never learned the research on it and did not know the affect it had in having a successful marriage and family. I enjoyed learning in class this week about the relationships and who is most likely to have a successful and happy marriage and family. Those who cohabit have a higher level of divorce. It is one of the best ways to assure failure in marriage. There is less commitment to one another. There are higher levels of violence, more health problems, more depression, and money spent on alcohol. I loved seeing again that God is always right. His way-marriage between a man and a women-is the sure way to success and happiness. Society tries out different ways but in the end we see that what God says is the best way.  Now I feel more prepared to tell people why they should get married, with more reasons than only that it is a commandment from God.

We were asked to ponder about how we might act different if we had been born the other gender. We talked about the differences perhaps that would have been in our families, who we might have affected, and what roles would have changed.  If I had been born a boy instead of a girl I would have been expected to do more outside work.  My dad would have been more strict with me in requiring that I go out and milk the goats, water the garden and plants, work on the cars, and construct things. I, myself would feel I needed to be more brave-with heights, movies, hunting, gutting fish, and taking care of bloody or gruesome things. As a girl I was expected to do dishes, cook, tend the children, and play the piano and do inside labor.

Although the expectations that we get from our environment makes a big difference on how we act, no matter how we are raised, boys and girls will act different. Girls have more estrogen which causes them to act more tender and feminine even if they are raised in an environment to act more like boys.  We identified some of the differences in girls and boys:



Boys:                                                                                         Girls:

Aggressive                                                                              Passive

Competitive                                                                            Cooperative

Spatial Orientation (north-south, east-west)                           Detail-Land Mark Orientation

Task Orientation                                                                     Relationship

There are three specific things that impact the difference, and each impacts the other:  Behavioral Tnedances>Brain>Environment, or how others treat us.

Family and fertility

My eyes were opened this week to see the importance of family and having children. I had always know it was important because I grew up with my parents reading my the words of President Kimball and other prophets who told us that we should welcome children into our homes, and that family was the most important. But this week I learned why they said that years ago. We studied about the decline in fertility rate, and how it has affected the world. With the baby boom after WWII fear arose that the world would become overpopulated and people would starve. The amount of babies born each year declined significantly.  Most people now only want one, or maybe two children, or none at all. The average family is 1 child. We talked about what would likely happen if this continues and who it would affect. Children will grow up without the value of family being most important.  Education and work-individualism-come first. They will not have uncles and aunts, neices and nephews, cousins, or brothers and sister.The children will be left to carry a very heavy load because there will not be as many able workers.  The boomers generation will retire and the new generation will have the responsibility to support them. Parents and grandparents will not be able to retire until they are older because their will not be enough workers and money to support them. Educated people will be in high demand. These are just a few of the consequences. That is just some of the affects on the children. The neat thing is that the Lord knew what would happen all along and that is why he counceled us through his prophets years earlier, before the problems started.

President Spencer W Kimball said:
"You did not come on earth just to “eat, drink and be merry.” You came knowing full well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles.
“Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work. And, John and Mary, do not limit your family as the world does. I am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or that even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives.“

To watch it you can go to: http://byutv.org/watch/59b6b917-984a-478f-93b1-521a647779c4/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter-part-1